It's Sunday morning don't need no money

I've had some wonderful adventures in the past few days or so. The other night Raven and I crossed the St. Johns bridge and did a night trek in Forest Park, and it was quite splendid. The clouds were mainly overhead, due to the weather of late, but occasionally the moon would peak out and the clouds would shift to sometimes reveal the stars they hid. I kept trying to imagine what the canopies and growth around would look like during the day. And today, I biked to the Zoo via downtown and it was also nice, you could see Mt. Hood somewhat poke through the tree line. The climb through the park was pretty difficult, so I think I need to do some more training before I try this on a daily basis. After my orientation wrapped up it was already dark and I decided to go back the same way, rather then try to climb Council Crest in the dark, and I must say it was amazing. I was the only occupant of the road for the whole glide (and I mean glide literally), and instead of an attempt to see Mt. Hood, I could see the lights of city center and southeast through the trees. It felt nice. I hope I have more adventures like this soon.

The Zoo job looks promising for the most part, more so for the long run. I'm not too sure how I'm going to pay for April's rent. Under current circumstances, I'm not going to make the money to pay for it...So hopefully, something will work out, that or I get a second job to quickly earn money. maybe I'll follow my folks suggestion and contact Megan them to see if there's some side jobs to decrease the gap of funds needed. We'll see. I finally heard back from the Portland Art Museum and I'll probably be an Exhibition Volunteer on Saturday mornings, if it doesn't conflict with my Zoo schedule. I also suckered into helping out with PDX Pop Now!, the ball just kept rolling with that and before I knew what happened I already managed to sit myself on a committee or two. I tried to limit my non-profit involvement to one thing in portland, but I just can't say no...

But this situation just makes me feel so irresponsible. I should've been more prepared then just two months for living. This going on top of my dilemma a month ago with my factor forgetting just makes me feel really immature. I should know to be better situated then this. But maybe I just like setting myself up for failure. I bet I'm just going to flop on financial aid again, and have to retract any of the admissions acceptances that I've received so far. Even at PSU I probably won't be able to manage the funds for that. I've already hit my pre-existing condition for insurance, that going on top of being denied for state assistance; even though I'm appealing the decision, it basically means I'll have to wait to be able to get a steady supply of medicine. And with the whole appeal process I just feel like I'm a trickster/liar...And for some reason I'm good at that sort of thing. Sometimes it feels like that's all I'm good at...No wonder people like Alex, Jane, and Russell hate me so much...It does feel like, at times, maybe I'd be better if I didn't try. But the result would still be the same, or worse. It really does feel like I'm destined for some sort of imminent failure.